Election 2010

As the general election looms ever closer, like some giant blimp set to implode, like a crap carnival ride in which you feel sick and underwhelmed, like a cheap fondle in the back seat of the bus, I feel it necessary to examine the many facets of a general election campaign.

Aah! Let me interject at once! For what probably excites me most about an imminent election is the opportunity to have a party! We did in 2005 and we did the US version in 2008, and it gives me the chance to create a stupifyingly boring quiz in which i get to feel cleverer than everyone else. There'll also be a sweepstake on what the majority will be (if there will indeed be one! Ooooh...); there'll be different coloured punch to represent the various political parties - vote with your mouth! The punch to be finished first is the official winner. We'll then petition parliament to accept this as the true result. And as the results start to feed through and we start to weep more and more at the thought of that turd faced opportunist holding the reigns of Ol' Blighty, we can have a mighty fun time filling out our emigration forms! Ooh, where would you like to go?

So let this first post be an introduction to the delights of a political campaign in Britain. Of course, there are already boundary changes! Yes, it is that exciting. In our fair city of Sheffield, Hillsborough shall be no more! It will be morphing into Brightside, and the latest reports say that Burngreave will simply be extinguished enitirely. Evacuations will be occuring the week prior to election day. In Sheffield Central, where I shall be voting, Paul Scriven, the council leader, has a decent pop at toppling Labour. Although the Labour majority from 2005 is around 7,000, popular and professional politician Tricky Dicky Caborn is standing down, leaving in his place Paul Blomfield, whose fake smile is so weak his face looks like water. Alongside this, with boundary changes including the loss of Burngreave (Labour stronghold, to be firebombed at a later date) and the gaining of Broomhill (a Lib Dem lovefest), you'd be a fool to rule out the Scrivster, as they're calling him down at the skatepark. Sheffield Council's loss could well be Parliament's gain.

Of course, possibly the most exciting addition to this general election is the TV debates! Whoop whoop! Yes, Britain takes a cue from those hollering yanks in true showbiz style! Nick Clegg! David Cameron! Gordon Brown! BBC! ITV! Sky! Who's to say will win this battle of tedium but to be sure, I'll be tuning for the whole shebang. Look out for my blow-by-blow account of the affair.

Ok, I'm signing off for the time being, but for all your election news, remember to bookmark me!

Meanwhile, to the left are some sites for your perusal. Don't know who your MP is? Don't feel stupid, just follow the link!